Spousal Approval Demanded?

Recently I chopped all of my hair off. I'm sure you've noticed the new pixie trend buzzing around in Hollywood....well I hopped on that band wagon. I wanted to try something daring! And I've never done anything like this.

Of course I had some nerves so it was a 3 stage process. Slowly I worked my way up to the pixie...but what was interesting was that every time I went into the Salon I got the same question, "Is your husband ok with this?" I kind of laughed and explained that Andrew could care less how I do my hair, makeup, or clothes. Believe me I've tried to get an opinion out of him! He's one of the rare awesome guys that just says "You're beautiful in anything." Am I lucky or what?

So the other night I casually mentioned this to him, and how odd it was to hear the stylists share their stories of boyfriends who declared their opinions and in some cases how it ruined relationships. He agreed that was weird, but mentioned he has had his own share of questioning about his appearance. You see, Andrew has been growing out his beard. He decided to grow his beard out for a year without cutting it. He wants to see how much it will grow, and how it will look. I have been encouraging him to do it now because he's at this cool place in his life where he doesn't have to dress business casual. Why not try it out? Plus, I kind of like the beard. Any way, apparently the question he gets asked when people who know him see the beard for the first time, is "How does your wife feel about that?"

 

Is this some weird new adage that spouses/significant others get some say in how you dress/groom/appear? I like to ask Andrew his opinion because I love him, but it's hard to say how it would make me feel if he were to start making ultimatums about my appearance. The only thing he really cares about is my modesty level. (Which I actually really appreciate! I never want to look immodest in how I dress...out of respect for myself mostly, and for him.) He will offer if he thinks something is too low cut, or see through....but again, never has he demanded that I change. He only offers his insight.

More than this being something new, I'm suspecting this is rather something old. I'll be honest, I was raised in a family where my mom thought feminist was a bad word. And for a while I agreed. I attended a women's college and I suppose it was there where I learned more about what it means to be a true feminist, and some of those ideals have rubbed off on me. (As I see it, a true feminist accepts that women have the right to cling to the traditional gender roles as their own choice, the point is that they should have that choice.) I guess when I first was asked about my hair cut decision this inner feminist came out, and I was starting to feel outraged. But as Andrew reminded me, men can also get the same scrutiny.

I guess my only answer to all of this is that I love Andrew no matter how he looks. I didn't fall in love with him because of his appearance (though that was certainly one of the first attractions). I know that looks are temporary, beauty fades....and I trust that Andrew doesn't just love me for my appearance either. After all, isn't that what love truly is?